


cozy

by Little Keplerette (classycloudcuckoolanderclasso)



Series: South Park Drabble Bomb May 2017: Outdoors [4]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, Gen, M/M, Original Character(s), South Park Drabble Bomb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:10:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/classycloudcuckoolanderclasso/pseuds/Little%20Keplerette
Summary: Bunny’s missing. The solution? Interrogate her squad until they crack.





	cozy

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Jacket - While everyone’s ready to jump outside at the soonest day with a temperature above fifty, it’s not always in your muse’s best interest to forgo their coat so soon. Did they think it would be significantly warmer and get unpleasantly surprised? Or do they want to risk the cold simply because they’re excited to potentially go outside without feeling like they’re freezing their extremities off? Did a friend forget their jacket and your muse wants to share? Did one get left behind somewhere?

“Ladies and gentlemen.”

Creek Tweak-Tucker, despite his usually indifferent, done-with-the-world demeanor, trembled like a leaf on his chair, genuinely terrified. Next to him, Kyan Marshlovski had his arms and legs crossed, an eyebrow raised, and on his left, Candy Cartman yawned, looking bored as she twirled a lock of hair with her finger. There were lights glaring down on all three of them from above their heads, leaving each of them with their own personal spotlight.

At the sound of what was most likely a ruler hitting an open palm, Creek openly flinched, shaking harder. Concerned, Kyan reached over to place a hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to calm down, and Candy rolled her eyes, mumbling something about Creek needing to calm down.

In front of the trio, a light shone down on another person, who was scowling as he stepped forward, slamming his palms on the table in front of the trio.

Leopold Stotch McCormick.

Or, as the trio knew him...

“Uncle Butters?” The three of them all asked simultaneously, incredulously.

“Where _are_ we?” Kyan asked.

“Did you do this?!” Creek wailed.

“How much did you pay my dad to make him let you do this?” Candy asked, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but here.

Butters pointed at all three of them. “I’ll be doin’ the question askin’ ‘round here, thank ya kindly! You’re all here today because of one thing - you are all my daughter’s friends.”

“Everyone is Bunny’s friend,” Kyan pointed out, brow furrowed. “She’s the friendliest of the bunch.”

“But out of all of you losers, she picked _me_ to be her best friend,” Candy declared with pride, feeling a small sense of achievement that the sweetest girl in their age group picked her, of all people, to be her best friend. It was a personal victory, and it was good for the both of them - Candy mellowed out, and Bunny became more assertive. It worked out.

Butters’s hands tightened into fists. “As I was sayin’, y’all are my daughter’s friends. And here’s the thing: my daughter is _missing_.”

“Bunny’s missing?” Now here, all three of them looked at each other in alarm, genuinely terrified now.

“Yes, my sweet baby is missin’,” Butters leaned forward until he was almost nose to nose with Kyan, who tried not to flinch back. “And you three were the last three people she was with. That means...” His scowl grew darker.

“I get ta interrogate ya until ya crack.”

* * *

It took around an hour before Eric called up Kenny to inform him about what exactly Butters was up to, and when he found out, Kenny just facepalmed.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, Cartman?” He asked, exasperated.

Eric’s voice sounded disinterested.  _“Butters couldn’t torture children until they cracked if his life depended on it. At best he’d scare them shitless, because I will admit, he has a terrifying scary face.”_

“So he literally did pay you to get you to allow him to borrow your daughter for interrogation? And what about Craig and Tweek? Stan and Kyle?”

_“We’re just having dinner with my wife next Sunday at the new restaurant in Denver. That’s payment. It’s a buffet. And those four gays know their sons are with Butters. They’re joining us for dinner.”_

Despite himself, Kenny licked his lips. “Nice.”

_“He drives a hard bargain, McCormick. You netted yourself a smart one.”_

“Okay, okay, hold on, though-” Kenny considered the situation again before asking, “So do you know where my daughter is? She really must be missing if Butters is throwing a fit.”

_“There’s always checking Hell.”_

“I’m not due for another Pip and Damien dinner until next next Monday.”

_“So? Just drop in for a visit, say hi, that bullshit. Pip will eat it up.”_

“Damien is sick of my face.”

_“I’m sick of your face too, but you don’t see me complaining that often.”_

“Oh, fuck you, Cartman,” Kenny grumbled before an idea suddenly occurred to him. “Oh, holy shit.”

_“What?”_

“The Delorns! Er, the Sinclairs? Gregory and Christophe!” Kenny’s eyes brightened considerably. “Why didn’t I think of this before? Gristoph must know something!”

Eric’s voice sounded curious over the phone.  _“Tall, dark, and deadpan? Know something about your barrel of sunshine?”_

“They bonded - what can I do?” Kenny shrugged. “Anyway, gotta go, Cartman. I’m gonna pay the boy a little visit. Tell Wendy she’s still gorgeous.”

_“Stop hitting on my wife McCormick, you have your own.”_

“Love you too, Cartman, you fat bastard.”

_“AY!”_

* * *

“Gristoph?” Gregory looked surprised at Kenny’s inquiry. “The boy is just upstairs, I believe. He came home an hour ago and hasn’t left his room since. Why, what’s the matter?”

“Bunny’s missing and Butters has Kyan, Creek, and Candy captive until he finds out where she is,” Kenny explained, as though this was the most normal thing in the world. And it isn’t, really - but their daughter was on the line, and Butters’s mind worked in the strangest ways.

Gregory made an ‘ah’ of understanding. “Well, alright, you can come in. Mind the cat toys, wipe your feet on the welcome mat, and take off your shoes. It’s much safer to walk around in socks around here.”

“Jesus, Greg, it’s freezing in here,” Kenny grumbled, pulling his parka tighter. It resembled his parka in his younger years, yes, but it was brand new - Butters had gotten it for him on their anniversary two years ago. “It’s not even summer, man.”

Gregory sighed, apologetic. “I know, I’m sorry, but it’s necessary. Gristoph thrives in the cold.”

“Why the fuck.”

“I try not to question it,” The man mumbled before he led Kenny to the staircase. “His room is two doors to the right, decorated in bunny and rainbow stickers.”

Kenny gave him a long hard look.

“That was your daughter’s doing, I believe, years ago,” Gregory stared right back at him, looking unimpressed.

“Ah.”

“Those are heavy duty stickers, I’ll give her that,” Gregory stated as an afterthought before heading back to the kitchen. “If you don’t find out where Bunny is, I’ll go call Christophe. He’s bound to know something.”

“Thanks, Greg,” Kenny said appreciatively before ascending the stairs, immediately zeroing in on the door decorated with the bunny and rainbow stickers. _Yikes, Bunny. You have this boy wrapped around your little finger if you can stick these on his door, of all things._

Summoning up all of his fatherly courage, Kenny knocked on the door three times, and, after a minute or so, Gristoph opened the door, looking like he had a horrible, horrible hangover. The boy, at 17, was taller than Kenny by a few inches, which made it jarring for him to look at the boy. “... Mister McCormick, sir?”

“Gristoph, you look terrible,” were the first words Kenny managed to say, staring at the way the boy seemed to move sluggishly, a little disoriented, but otherwise fine. His teeth chattered at the sudden burst of cold air that had come from Gristoph’s room - Jesus fucking Christ, the boy had his own personal air conditioner? _It’s a wonder he’s not half frozen all the fucking time!_

The boy managed to crack a smirk at his words. “I always look terrible, sir.”

“Anyway-” Kenny paused, peering into the room behind Gristoph could react. His eyes zeroed in on a familiar pink backpack, and his gaze narrowed.

“Gristoph.”

“Sir.”

“That is my daughter’s backpack.”

“I am well aware, sir,” Gristoph answered coolly.

“Where is Bunny?” Kenny asked, feeling his temper rise. Had he done something to his daughter? Had he- _no, Kenny, don’t think about that, Gristoph is a respectable kid, raised by two respectable, sort of, parents. He wouldn’t._ “Son-”

“Don’t call me son.”

“- Gristoph, my husband is about ready to strangle one of your friends if Bunny isn’t found soon,” Kenny explained, groaning. “So please, save me the pleasantries, and tell me where-”

“Daddy?”

Kenny blinked.

Bunny’s head popped out from behind Gristoph’s back, and it was _then_ that he noticed the little bumps under his jacket that signified something wrapped around his torso - Bunny’s legs - and his shoulders - Bunny’s arms.

“Bunny?” Kenny stared in incredulity. “What the hell?”

Bunny, to her credit, flushed a light pink. “It was freezing in here!”

“And you decided to crawl into Gristoph’s jacket for warmth? Did you even-”

“Yes, Daddy, I asked permission!” Bunny whined, scooching up so she could rest her chin on Gristoph’s shoulder. The boy looked unfazed as she added, “We do this all the time - I curl up inside his jacket and we get all warm and cozy! It’s big enough for the both of us!”

Kenny, taking a leaf out of Stan’s book, pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, “And you didn’t think to text me or your father about this.”

“I did though!” Bunny protested before checking her phone. “... Oh. It didn’t send.”

“And there it is,” Gristoph commented offhandedly.

“Shut up, Gris, you could’ve let me text on your phone for a guaranteed sent message!”

Despite himself, Kenny cracked a smile. The way his daughter bickered with him reminded him ever so slightly of his own friendship with Christophe - during his good days, anyway. With a laugh, he told them, “Okay, that’s enough. Bunny, we have to go home before your father breaks your friends.”

“Can Gristoph come too?” Bunny pleaded. “I’m too lazy to walk.”

“What? I’m not your personal steed.”

“Yes you are, now come on!”

Kenny couldn’t help it. He laughed out loud. “Ask your dad’s permission first before we go, then.”

“Do I have to?” Gristoph groaned.

Bunny nibbled at his earlobe, and Kenny witnessed the tallest boy in his daughter’s age group do a full body shudder, eyes wide. He raised an eyebrow as the boy shoved his hands into his pockets, cheeks burning bright red as he stomped his way out of his room and down the stairs.

 _... Holy shit, she really is my daughter,_ Kenny thought to himself. _... And I’m not sure if that was a good thing._

* * *

“Butters?”

“UNCLE KENNY!” The trio practically shrieked at the sight of their blond savior, Kyan openly weeping in joy as Butters turned to face his husband, looking frazzled. Candy, on her end, gave Gristoph a confused look.

“Hi, Ken,” Butters greeted before sighing. “Guess I gotta let ‘em out now, huh?”

“ _Please_ ,” Candy begged. “I can’t take any more polar bear sugar cookies, they’re good but I’m already _full!_ It’s _torture!”_

“Polar bear sugar cookies?!” Bunny’s head popped out from behind Gristoph again. “Where?!”

“BUNNY!” Butters screamed, running over to Gristoph’s side, gesturing for him to crouch down. Obliging, the boy knelt down so that Butters could pepper his only daughter in kisses as she whined, “Papaaaaa, stoooop!”

“She was at Gristoph’s house,” Kenny explained when Butters turned to him. “They were... _cuddling_.”

Creek choked on a polar bear sugar cookie. “ _Cuddling_?!”

“It was _cold_!” Bunny defended again.

“Cuddling, my ass,” Candy mumbled, mostly to herself, but she did waggle her eyebrows at Bunny, who, to her credit, turned a bright red before hiding herself in Gristoph’s jacket again.

“Didn’t you text any of us?” Butters scolded. “We were so worried!”

“I did... but the text didn’t send...”

“Oh, sweetie,” Butters shook his head before turning to the other three children. “I’m sorry, you three. Tha’ was mighty inappropriate of me t’do, even if I did ask your parents first.”

“DAD AGREED TO THIS?!” Kyan yelled.

“I fucking knew it,” Candy grumbled. “Hey, can I take home some more polar bear sugar cookies, Uncle Butters?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you!”

“I think I’m going to just... take a quick nap, like, right now,” Creek held up one finger before falling over, passing out on the floor, the adrenaline from panicking over the interrogation coupled with the sugar rush he got from the cookies finally dying out.

“... Oh dear.”

Kenny just took out his phone, sighing. “I’ll call Craig.”

“Thank you, Ken.”

**Author's Note:**

> The lovechildren used/mentioned in this drabble:
> 
> > Kyan Marshlovski: Son of Stan and Kyle Marshlovski.  
> > Creek Tweak-Tucker: Son of Craig and Tweek Tweak-Tucker.  
> > Bunny S. McCormick: Daughter of Kenny and Butters McCormick.  
> > Gristoph Delorn: Son of Gregory Sinclair and Christophe Delorn.  
> > Candy Cartman: Daughter of Eric and Wendy Cartman.


End file.
